Yo dont text me then not text me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
