I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
