no, he came in my armpit
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
