Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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