Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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