Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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