the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
