I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
