i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
