Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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