Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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