I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
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