I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
