Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
