I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
