Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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