just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
