every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
not ubering you a puppy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize