when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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