do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
