Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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