I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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