Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
