I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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