NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
