Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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