I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
