Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it hurts more in the daytime
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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