Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
