put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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