I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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