shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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