I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
