Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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