forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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