please come you make the beer taste better
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
