The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
