How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
