Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
