Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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