yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
