I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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