weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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