Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
