he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize