I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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