Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
