i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
