So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
