I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
