Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
