I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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