my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
