His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
