Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
