Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I could fuck to npr.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
