We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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