the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
