I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
