I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
