You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
