my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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