Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
