Umm I'm too high to move.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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