I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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