You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
