someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
please come you make the beer taste better
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just had sex on a roof
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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