I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
