ugly people sure do ruin things
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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