i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
